I wish I could hug you through the screen. I have 3 kids as well, including one autistic kiddo who has previously attacked teachers and other school staff. He's in a special program now and is doing much better. I tell you that because I want you to know that things CAN get better with the right resources.

Start by Googling special needs advocates in your area. I have a parent support partner (free!) from an agency that helps parents of special needs kiddos.

I see that you need a diagnosis. Your child sounds a lot like one of mine. Mine has autism, ADHD, and a depressive disorder. He was classified as autistic before I was able to get him into a child psychologist for a psych eval. I did this by asking the school to test him for educational autism.

Consider asking your school district to test your little one for educational autism as well. It's a great start and will make it easier for you to find other resources and support because then you can be like, "My child has educational autism, but I'd also like him to get evaluated for autism by a medical provider."

Once you get a diagnosis for one (or all) of your younger kiddos, get on the waiting list for respite care. This will give you some time to get a haircut or just breathe. I haven't had a haircut in years so I get it.

Counseling/therapy may also help. My kiddos see someone weekly. Also look into places that treat sensory issues. This may help your family. Maybe Google something like "sensory disorder treatment near me" to find some. I'd look for you if I knew where you lived.

I'm so sorry you are struggling now. Please know that these times will not last forever. You just need more resources and support than what you're currently getting. You are not wrong for being stressed or overwhelmed. You have a lot on your plate but I believe in you, and I know you will get through this with the right support. Take care.